Saturday, March 21, 2009

Why I occasionally hate people, part 1

So I'm trying to maneuver my way through this shopping center parking lot that is notoriously exasperating to maneuver your way through, when I get stuck mid-lane behind another car. She (let's call her Car A) was stuck because some idiot New York driver in an overlarge truck (let's call her idiot New York driver) was taking up the entire middle of the lane, waiting for another idiot New York driver in an overlarge vehicle (let's call her a constant irritant to time-strapped North Jerseyans already contending with enough traffic without dealing with snotty New Yorkers looking for a cheaper sales tax, thank you very much) to finish taking ten years to back out of her space so that she could claim it.

Car A was getting visibly angry at having to wait for idiot New York driver, and since it was nice out and windows were open I could hear her yelling at INYD for hogging all the space. To which INYD smiled vacantly and shrugged, like "Wow, how was I supposed to know other cars would want to come down this way?" Finally the other INYD finished her last will and testament, or her thesis or whatever was taking her so long in there, and awkwardly started to scoot out of the space. Then INYD figured out that yes, she could in fact move over enough to let Car A through, and did so. Car A moved past, still telling off the other driver. (If you've guessed that most of us who live here have more or less permanent road rage, you'd be right.) I started to move as well, realized that then I would hold up the delicate INYD shifting of parking space power, sighed and stayed put. Then INYD gestured to me to go; seems she'd moved so far over she couldn't maneuver into the space anyway. As I swung past, I couldn't resist; I leaned toward the window and called out, "Get a smaller car."

Why I occasionally hate people, part 2

On my way home from said shopping center, I found myself stuck behind a shiny-looking Hummer. I thought dark thoughts about gas guzzlers and road hoggers and who tools around in shiny new-looking Hummers these days when the whole line faces possible extinction? as we got closer to my turnoff.

And then I saw the driver flick a cigarette out the window.

Now this angers me under normal circumstances -- the world is not your ashtray, pick up your garbage you self-centered jerk, yada yada. But to see someone already trashing the environment with her gigantic exhaust-puffing truck on steroids then further trash the environment with her used cancer stick just blew my mind. So as I pulled up next to her to make my turn, I yelled out the *other* open window, "Get an ashtray!"

(For all the good that did. She probably thought, "Hmm, not driving a Hummer, I don't have to listen to *her*.")

I can't believe no one told me today was Jerk Day. I would've expected a memo. But then, having yelled rude things out my car window at two entirely different total strangers, I guess I helped celebrate it!

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