Thursday, October 9, 2008

Kiddie camo

So these eye patches the little pirate is wearing -- and I use the term "wearing" mockingly -- come in boy patterns and girl patterns. Among the boy patterns are little soccer balls, little rocketships -- and camouflage. For the junior Army pirate.

I'm starting to feel conflicted about this camo thing. It's everywhere. So far the kid's received camo shoes, camo overalls, camo sweatshirts and a sing-along DVD of "Apocalypse Now." (I kid.) Not to sound like a latte-drinking arugula-eating tree-hugging pinko commie liberal freak of nature and I'll keep going till I run out of obnoxious adjectives, but if we're at war, is it really the most appropriate thing to dress kids for playtime in what is, essentially, war wear? Give the kids a few years and they can wear it for real.

Not to mention the implication that boy=camo. Really? The only way boys can be boyish is by fighting things? (Ferdinand the Bull just died a little inside.) Women join the military too, you know -- if I open up a package of the girl patterns, will I find some pink camo eye patches? Or is it all teddy bears and flowers and smiley-faced kittens?

This is of course all irrelevant because no matter what's on the patch, it's getting ripped off my kid's face 15 seconds after I put it on so he can crumple it up and run giggling around the living room and under the dining room table while I chase after him instead of finishing my breakfast like a normal person.