Sunday, September 20, 2009

Dear FDA,

I feel you must investigate the use of Americone Dream as a possible labor and delivery aid.

During my previous pregnancy, I ate some of the ice cream a week before my due date and promptly went into labor. During this pregnancy, I went into labor spontaneously but it progressed so slowly that I resorted to eating the ice cream -- at which point the pace quickened noticeably and my daughter was born a few hours later.

Pregnant women should be notified, especially, not to eat the ice cream before their 37th week. Please see what you can do to expedite this.


A bemused Colbert fan

Sunday, September 13, 2009

There is Colbert ice cream in my freezer and I am afraid to eat it

Let me explain. Last time around, that delightful caramely concoction known as Americone Dream had just hit the market and we looked everywhere for it, because I am a huge Stephen Colbert fan. Also a huge Jon Stewart fan, but he doesn't have his own ice cream.

It took forever but DH finally tracked it down and brought me some. We ate it that night, about a week before my due date, and while we were watching the Report I went into labor.

Coincidence? I think not!

Every person I tell that story to says I should write the show about it, but I was afraid to on account of Colbert probably would put it on the show. (Although that isn't stopping me from blogging about it so there you go.) Now here we are again, at week 37, and there is a pint of Americone in the freezer that has been sitting there for weeks because I am not touching it until I am ready for this kid to be born. Just imagine if it happens again? I think I would need to petition the FDA to regulate this stuff.

And unrelatedly I'm kvetching because the FakeNews Hour has been on another three-week vacation and I hate when they do that. C'mon, you work four days a week! So glad they're back tomorrow.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I guess we're doing something right

Because the kid eats salad and won't eat mozzarella sticks. How did that happen? Does that not go against every rule of kid-dom? Shouldn't he be refusing to touch anything that isn't fried, breaded or smothered in Velveeta?

We had salad with dinner tonight and I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a little and see what he does. So I put some romaine, radishes and mushrooms on his plate. He wouldn't go near the mushrooms (they're getting mushy, I don't blame him) but devoured the rest. And then asked for more. "More sa'ad." "More ra'ish." Repeatedly. I was feeding him off my salad. Just surreal.

He also eats broccoli, peas, carrots, sauteed spinach (at least when we order it from the local pizza joint he does) and the occasional tomato. And every fruit known to man except for citrus, I think because an orange looks like a ball and he gets upset when you peel it.

I'm not complaining in the slightest. I think it's terrific. I just don't get how we did it. All you ever hear about is kids refusing to go within 50 feet of anything healthy. All you ever see on kids menus is chicken fingers, grilled cheese, hot dogs and mini burgers. The bar has been set so low it's basically a limbo pole.

Do we have an abnormally healthy eater? Or do lots of kids eat this way and no one bothers correcting the stereotype (or complaining about kids menus)? Hard to tell.

Of course he may decide in a year that he hates radishes and loves mozzarella sticks. And I fully expect him to live off cold pizza and Wendy's in college, because I did. (Favorite breakfast freshman year: granola bars dipped in Fluff. So. Gross.) But for now, it's looking good.

Apart from the fact that he already loves pizza, macaroni and cheese, ice cream and cake. Hey, we're not total killjoys.