2 pairs of super-special compression maternity hose: $20.

Time elapsed before runs in hose: 2 weeks and 4 weeks.

1 pair of super-special compression footless maternity hose to enable sandal wear: $28.

Time elapsed before run in hose: 2 weeks.

2 more pairs of super-special compression maternity hose: $20.

Time elapsed before run in hose: 1 day and counting.

Realization that these flimsy tissue-paper ripoff contraptions will do absolutely nothing to stop varicose veins: Oh, just priceless.